Summerize

Summerize for the summer size of the summer time in your life

Pack the boots and the gloves and the scarves knit with love

rediscover your skin

warm within

clothes are thin

for the win!  

Put away the dark curtains and drape lacy pellucid flowing veils that allow for the breeze to flow through with ease

bringing odors that please

from the lilac and lavender trees

Put up the hammock

notorious for nap attacks

under skies peppered with fluffy clouds to give you warmth as well as retreat from the sun.

Load up the kayak with fish gear and tent sacks

and float down the river to a secluded beach

out of reach of the world and its worries and woe  

Dig your toe in the sand

take the quiet at hand

Build a fire with the wire of steel wool and sparks  

Leave no marks

but stay

for another day

Let the current lead the way

but drop anchor where you may

It’s all up to you to do what is true and stop feeling blue

Everything is always new

Enjoy the summer fun

Leap and frolic in the sun

Let out a joyful skirl with a whirl and a twirl  

For the thrill of the fill of the will will not last

Summer slips away fast

Days get colder

nights get bolder

we get older

as we shoulder our dark thoughts and feelings

leaving us realing

to survive another beating from the mother who is fleeting

leaving us under the snow

Dreams

I sometimes have the strangest dreams! From the tragedies of train wrecks and collapsing bridges to strange scenes of a Native American chief in full headdress on a horse on a cliff, typing on a laptop, to the everyday adventures of going to work. There really is no common thread among them. Sometimes they inspire me to write a movie script starring a detective on the chase of a notorious criminal, only to find out they are the same person (no wonder why they could never catch them). Other times they feel like a metaphor for navigating my own mind as I follow the winding hallways of the ancient hotel, guided by a small child who gently encourages me to open the creepy little door hidden behind the grandfather clock.

I do love my dreams. As you can see, they are a great show of my creativity, and if I make the time to write them down, they would emerge into fantastic tales. I wish I had the luxury to convey all of them into the works of art they all aspire to be. But for the now, I keep remembering them. Knowing that the ones that stay with me over time are the ones that are truly meant to go somewhere. When they break into my daily life, reminding me of their existence, is when I need to drop everything and start the story.

If you could see...

If you could see the person you become when you've had too much to drink

(and you don't think that you have).  

If you could see that hanging out with you is no longer fun and relaxing.

If you could see how you exhibit so many traits that you normally complain about in other people.

If you could see how you cease to be an intelligent man and instead you become no more appealing
than any other guy with a permanent butt print on a bar stool.  

If you could see how you have trouble standing up...
walking across the room...
pouring yourself another drink...

If you could see that you have no idea when to stop.  That deciding to have a drink means that
you've decided to get fall-down drunk.  

There is no in between.  

If you could see how I go from feeling like a partner to feeling like a parent.  

If you could see how I worry that you'll knock something over, or hurt yourself.

If you could see all the damage that you're doing to your body.  

If you could see that I care about you so much that it hurts me to watch you fall down this path.  

If you could see the excuses I've made for you, including the ones I've made to myself.  

If you could see the years of self esteem building that I have gone through to finally realize that
I'm not obligated to sit there and watch you do this to yourself.

If you could see how much courage I need to muster up in order to tell you "no."  

If you could see how many times I waited until morning to talk to you about this,  
then decided against it because I didn't want to make another unpleasant day.

If you could see that I didn't want to stop watching the show with you tonight, but you are no longer you right now, and I don't enjoy being around this person, so when you come back we can watch the rest.

If you could see all these things, then maybe you'd start to drink more responsibly and less Wisconsinably.  

And maybe you'd stop thinking of me as "hateful."

Fighting the Demons

To reach out of your darkness is one of the hardest things you can do.  

Who do you turn to?  

No. They're going through enough right now.  

No. They don't have the time.

No. You've been very disappointing to them lately.

No.  Why would you want to bring this upon them when they finally reached a good place?

You'll always have excuses, and so you leave yourself to fight it alone.  

Sometimes you win.  You pull yourself out of your funk and rejoin the life you're working so hard to maintain.  

Sometimes you lose.  Your demons take over.  They tell you all the lies that you so easily believe.

And then you just stop.

You stop working toward your goals.  You stop creating.  You stop imagining.  You fall into your darkness and you've left yourself with...

Nothing.  

You don't have the tools because your demons told you they were not working.  You don't have anyone to turn to because your demons told you all the excuses.  You don't have any light because they worked so hard to diminish your flame.  

They hid everyone and everything around you in the darkness.

This is when you need your tools and your people the most.  Reach out.  Get it out of you somehow.  Write it down and burn the page if you have to.  Don't be afraid to express it somehow.  Don't listen when you hear them tell you that you're only doing it for the attention. Even those who are, they still need something.  Don't listen when you hear them tell you that your situation is not as bad as others.  If it is bad enough to stop you being you, it's bad enough for you to need help.

Your flame may be gone, but there's still a spark.  It may not be glowing in the area you want it to, but it's somewhere.  Find it.  Let it glow where it's at.  Cultivate it in its place and let it reignite into a flame there.  That's where you need to focus because that's where your fragile little light has landed.  Work with it there, and soon it will grow, and begin to shine on other areas.  

And show you that you were never alone.

Time

Time is kinetic.  Always passing us. Giving us new moments while taking away the old ones.  All we have is our memory, our anticipation, as our now is merely a moment we’ve anticipated as it becomes a memory.

Time is constant. The way it passes us never changes, though our perception of it does. An hour can feel like an eternity, while a year can feel like it barely ever happened.

Time is linear. There’s no going back.  You can only make the best of the lessons you learned in your past so you can work on improving your future.

Time is limited.  Once it’s gone...

There are two ways to look at passing time.

You can look at where you expected to be at this point in your life.  Compare yourself to your current goals.  Contemplate the dreams you have out there, and overwhelm yourself with the realization of all the work that still needs to be done for those to become a reality.

Time may be linear, but life is everything but.  It’s full of diversions, setbacks, plot twists, and entanglements.  The days that come and go that are focused on other people’s goals.  The path that led to a dead end.  The crazy things people do that take up your limited time.  The things in life that must be attended to in order to keep on living.  It would be great if we could envision a goal, along with the most direct path, and all the tools we need to conquer that path, but how often does that actually happen?

We all have our distractions.  Our disappointments.  Our fiascos...

Or you can look at where you were when you last stopped to take stock of your time.  See how far you’ve come.  See all the obstacles you’ve overcome.  How you’ve grown.  How many lives you’ve touched.  Things that are now a reality because of you.

They say life is messy, but that’s because it’s so full.  It’s full of friendships, accomplishments, memories, and most importantly, love.  The people who walk into your life and show that they’ve intended to stay.  The days you hold your head up, look at the impossible feat and say, “Yeah, I did that!”  The feeling as you wield your sword amidst another uphill battle.  The hugs, the talks, the tears and the trust.  Without all these things, life wouldn’t be very messy, but it also wouldn’t be very complete.

We all have our blessings.  Our favors.  Our light…

Time may constantly pass us by and never come back, but we are gifted with the ability to recall what is has given us.  Remember all the diversions, setbacks, plot twists and entanglements.  Remember all the friendships, accomplishments, memories and love.  Embrace them.  Keep them in your goal’s story.  Cherish them. They are what makes the story great.

Savored Slowly

I am meant to be savored slowly

Experienced piece by piece

Just a taste,  a touch,  a tiny memory

That's all you'll get from me

At first

Once you get acquainted with this divine dine

You know you'll want to keep

Absorb me into your beautiful world

Slow down,  every portion’s too sweet

Too rich,  too full,  too much for one sitting

I am a feast to parse out for days

Focusing on each delight

The pairings within me must be relished carefully

Bit by bit,  plate by plate,  bite by bite

You mustn't be hasty,  try as you might

Too much of a good thing often is true

That's how most of the tragedies start

So you see I am meant to be savored slowly

Take your time to enjoy this piece of art 

Sunrise

Let’s talk about abstract concepts

Your theory on invisibility

My take on moles

Let's look at the world

In the gold

Shining through our window from the morning sun passing through the dewdrops on the maple

Let’s stay up all night

Sing songs we write

Share our comforts with our sadness

And pass each other hope

Hope that tomorrow will be better and we’ll keep climbing that ladder and reach our higher ground

Hope that we’ll continue to be together in spite of the world around us and all it’s hollow sound